To do or not to do...

So I'm faced with a tough situation.

I am not happy with our current situation. There is a lot going on, a lot happening, a lot that is stressing me out...

Because of this, I have to start thinking about what I need to do to make things better for our family. For my children. And I'm seriously contemplating childcare.

I hate this idea. I was able to stay home with my first two children until they were starting public school. Unfortunately, this time around, I am not able to do so. I have a full time job that I'm actually really good at, and I happen to love. I also know that Gary could not make the money that I make, and therefore, I wouldn't want to take the pay cut and have him work and me stay home. Although, that would be an ideal situation. However, then it creates this feeling of letting my team down. A team I have worked so hard to build over the past 6 years.

So I work. End of story.

But I'm just not so sure that Gary being a stay at home dad full time is what is best for him or our children. Not that I am worried about him per say. I just know that being couped up at home all the time is not easy to deal with. And I fear maybe he is struggling, even though he tells me he is not. So...

That opened the door to thinking about childcare. And let's face it, childcare for twins is NOT cheap. Especially 18 month old twins (happy halfway birthday to the twinkies today btw).

So I guess that opens the door to a variety of other questions. What if the boys get sick? Who skips work? We wouldn't have the convenience of already being home. Plus, I hear all the time that babies get sicker being in places like this. And then I think about all of the health concerns we've already have and still have, and I can't help but wonder if this is even worth it. :(

It's stressful to make a decision this big. And I feel bad for those families that have no other choice but to have to put their children in childcare.

What's worse, I really don't like the idea of someone else spending the majority of the time with them. I want them to around family. And we don't have family around here. So it would end up being a stranger. And I just really can't seem to get past that either. *sigh*

Financially, even if Gary only worked, let's say, 32 hours a week, at a minimal paying job (approx. $8/hour), we could do it and still have enough money for bills, gas, groceries, diapers, etc. But then that opens to window to what if he can't find something. Or he finds something, but then something happens, and he isn't able to keep it for whatever reason. I can't do this on my own. I mean, I could, if I didn't have his bills to pay. But I pay for his car and insurance right now, so if he isn't working, who would pay that?

So many questions and not enough answers... Needs further thought...

#kids #gary #work #childcare #decisions #finances #children #twins #stayathome